Sunday, February 24, 2008

What have you been up to?

After a week in which I desperately wanted to quit my job, I've been thinking about how tempting it is online to air your complaints, to send a voice into the wilderness begging for understanding: "It's not my fault, surely someone out there will confirm this for me!" This is the source of all those tomes on AskMetafilter, where posters go on and on to demonstrate why they are right. But you have only their word for it that they are accurately representing the opposing viewpoint, if they are bothering to give it at all.

So in a blog about myself, written for my children, how much do I just let it hang out, and how much do I simply report? Is it boring to read what I've been doing all week, or is interesting? If not interesting, is it at least comforting-- to know from afar what your mother is doing? How much is a child aware of what their parent is doing even when they are living together. I think maybe this works only in one direction. As a parent of an infant, you are intensely aware of every second of that child's day, and it is the most difficult thing to give up when the children are adults-- this intimate knowledge of everything the child is doing. It's not about controlling the activity, or directing it, or even about approving or disapproving. It's about knowing what the child is doing. It's comforting to me to be able to visualize exactly where my kids are. I don't think they believe it, but it really isn't about what they are doing, it's simply for me to know what they are doing.

So here's what I've been doing: On Monday, Schuyler missed her lesson, so I skated and worked out. I made some housekeeping phone calls for the bank and hospital bills, and then finished the Light Opera Works 2007 sampler DVD. Took it in to LOW and then went to Winnetka to teach. Christian helped me out with my PSA test. Home for dinner. The subsequent day follow much the same pattern-- teach, skate, Light Opera Works either there or at home, teach, home (truth be told, home and hang out on MetaFilter). Thursday I had an infamous meeting with Bridget, with my ongoing attempt to get her to let me have some input, and her refusal and insistence that she is the top dog and I should get used to it. (Like I give a shit about being top dog.) Deposited 2007 IRA on Friday, went to the Mayor's annual luncheon, taught.

Saturday I went with Bill to his Children's Choir benefit. I schmoozed more this week than I want to in a year. Yuck. I really hate strangers. And now I'm telling you.

Do you care?

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