Sunday, February 24, 2008

What have you been up to?

After a week in which I desperately wanted to quit my job, I've been thinking about how tempting it is online to air your complaints, to send a voice into the wilderness begging for understanding: "It's not my fault, surely someone out there will confirm this for me!" This is the source of all those tomes on AskMetafilter, where posters go on and on to demonstrate why they are right. But you have only their word for it that they are accurately representing the opposing viewpoint, if they are bothering to give it at all.

So in a blog about myself, written for my children, how much do I just let it hang out, and how much do I simply report? Is it boring to read what I've been doing all week, or is interesting? If not interesting, is it at least comforting-- to know from afar what your mother is doing? How much is a child aware of what their parent is doing even when they are living together. I think maybe this works only in one direction. As a parent of an infant, you are intensely aware of every second of that child's day, and it is the most difficult thing to give up when the children are adults-- this intimate knowledge of everything the child is doing. It's not about controlling the activity, or directing it, or even about approving or disapproving. It's about knowing what the child is doing. It's comforting to me to be able to visualize exactly where my kids are. I don't think they believe it, but it really isn't about what they are doing, it's simply for me to know what they are doing.

So here's what I've been doing: On Monday, Schuyler missed her lesson, so I skated and worked out. I made some housekeeping phone calls for the bank and hospital bills, and then finished the Light Opera Works 2007 sampler DVD. Took it in to LOW and then went to Winnetka to teach. Christian helped me out with my PSA test. Home for dinner. The subsequent day follow much the same pattern-- teach, skate, Light Opera Works either there or at home, teach, home (truth be told, home and hang out on MetaFilter). Thursday I had an infamous meeting with Bridget, with my ongoing attempt to get her to let me have some input, and her refusal and insistence that she is the top dog and I should get used to it. (Like I give a shit about being top dog.) Deposited 2007 IRA on Friday, went to the Mayor's annual luncheon, taught.

Saturday I went with Bill to his Children's Choir benefit. I schmoozed more this week than I want to in a year. Yuck. I really hate strangers. And now I'm telling you.

Do you care?

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Everyday life

This is a blog about what life is like. Just what I do every day. The kids call (or not!) and ask what I've been doing. Well, nothing. What does anyone do? You live your life. It's not a novel, there is no plot, although there is a pattern and a rhythm. So this is what I do.

I like to lie in bed in the early morning and listen to NPR. Sometimes I drift back to sleep and my dreams wrap themselves around whatever story my conscious mind is listening to. When I hear the story later on the rebroadcast I'll understand why I dreamed that.

Yesterday I woke up very early (5:40) so I could go observe the synchro rehearsal. I watch Christine and the older girls because I just can't race around after Kristen and the younger ones, too stressful (plus she spends all her time yelling, which I really dislike). What is it about synchro that attracts the nice girls? The mean girls never do synchro-- maybe they're too egotistical to submit to the group's needs.

After Synchro I went up to Light Opera Works and picked up my check, then went to the bank, then home. Back to the rink to teach Adorina at 12:30, and spent some time talking to Chris H. At home I finished our 2007 taxes, opened some especially obnoxious mail (a late notice for a bill that I know I paid, incomprehensible hospital bills, and an insurance statement averring that 2 cents of my claim was disallowed. They spent 41c to let me know that.) Spent the rest of the day on Metafilter, watched Star Trek, made dinner and watched a movie on tv with Bill.

Today I don't need to go anywhere, which is really good because it's 40 degrees outside and pouring rain. The worst kind of winter day. I listened to npr and read metafilter, and now I'm writing this. I need to do my laundry and I think I'll make cheese crackers and read some more of the Laurie King novel I bought. I have to make the final selections for Light Opera Works' 2007 sample DVD and organize my desk for tomorrow. Probably I should get all the LOW "little shit" out of the way. It's so strange having these long days with no outside jobs, gosh I guess they call them "weekends." Just like normal people.

I lead such an interesting life.

So should this "diary" be about the mundane details of my day? How much were the kids aware of that even while they were here? Should I philosophize? Should I bare my soul or reveal my inner dialog? I don't even like my inner dialog; if I revealed it to other people they'd put me on strong medication.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Dipping my toes in

Just testing this for now. I need a blog for when the kids settle god knows where so that there's an easy, accessible stream of information. I've been deprived of their easy company for four years for my son Seng Lim, and who knows what Nga Jee will do. So, since I can't get them to blog, I guess I'll do it.